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deadxsunset

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go fuck yourself. mean people suck. [Nov. 16th, 2004|07:49 pm]
deadxsunset
[Oh, I feel.. |uncomfortableuncomfortable]
[What's Rockin' Your Socks |"red skies at dusk" a heartfelt goodbye]

so this is going to be depressing because it is for me. i don't understand why people are so mean. seriously, saying things about other people's insecurities is ridiculous. double you tee eff. i don't get it. like honestly, saying that i'm fat is just mean. i know i don't have a perfect body or what others think is perfect. you think i don't know, but why does it have to make you feel better putting me down. if you're so secure with yourself then why do you feel the need to put others down in such hurtful ways. i mean last night, i read something that someone said about me and i cried myself to sleep. do you know the last time i did that? okay well neither do i, but i do know it's been quite sometime. well, since this summer. not that long.. so anywho.. the hurt just takes over me. you know, you think you steel yourself to the world and what others think but then some one says or thinks of you.. but you never really do. deep down you still want to be accepted. maybe that's just me.. but.. whatever.. i just don't know about people anymore. it's things like this that make me question how much people really care about me or what they really think, because how can you ever really know for sure, i mean... whatever.. just know that it hurts.. don't call already self conscious people that they are fat.. it really hurts.. and yeah.. that's all for now. i love my true friends.
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this is my life. depressingly emo.. [Oct. 26th, 2004|05:40 pm]
deadxsunset
[Oh, I feel.. |depresseddepressed]
[What's Rockin' Your Socks |taking back sunday.]

good:
i'm doing better in school.
i'm helping people.. whatever they need.
bad:
i'm alone most of the time, not just in reality.. but i feel like no one really understands or cares.
i still don't have the one person that i want.
i will never have the one person want.
people have changed. i don't like it.
i miss my friends.
i miss him
people keep asking me how's it goin with the guys. stfu!
i don't know if i'm going to ever become anything.
i regret what i did last thursday.
but then i want to do it again.
i feel imperfect. i feel like everyone around me is the portrait of perfection and i'm like the shit they sell at ross, the shit that was fucked up but people like anyways. and sometimes i feel so stupid for the shit that i have done. i'm sorry to my firends who care about me and i go and do stupid shit make them worry. i feel bad for just being stupid period. and i'm sick of not being what a guy wants.. thin enough, girly enough, nice enough. i mean.. what am i supposed to be? how am i supposed to act? and then when i'm with him. nothing matters. he's my world. his smile makes my knees weak. his laugh makes me laugh. when i have a crappy day, all i need to do is look at him.. talk to him.. look at a picture and i'm fine. he makes me feel like i'm worth something. i feel so... i don't even know.. he just makes me happy. he's an amazing person. i will do anything for his happiness. when he's sad.. i want to die, because there is nothing i can say or do that can make him happy. i love him to death. the sad thing is. he will never know.
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(no subject) [Oct. 16th, 2004|09:05 pm]
deadxsunset
[Oh, I feel.. |sadsad]
[What's Rockin' Your Socks |the quiet things that no one ever knows- brand new]

i miss steve.
i miss janessa.
i miss all of my friends.
i never know if they know how much i love them.
they are the best.
they are always there for me, even when they can't do anything to help.
lately i've been depressed.
it's so bad that i start crying for no reason.
i don't know what's wrong with me.
to top it off.
i got the guts to ask some one to homecoming.
and it looks like i've been shot down again.
i guess it's to be expected.
but i thought it may be different.
should have known.
i ahven't seen steve in 5 days.
i miss him terribly.
i ahven't seen janessa in 2 weeks.
i miss her like a bad habit.
i suppose i sound like a whiny little girl.
kjhhhtfhhjhhhgghghgjhghgggygyghjfjfgfhgfgfgnbbvfvn bhvbbvbbnbvbvbvvbvbvbbvbbbvbvbvbvgvgggvbbvhbggggggggg
melody, she's my sister if you didn't know.
typed that.
she wants me to type my name. but you know my name.
i want some one to hold.
i miss being held.
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why do i still feel this way? [Sep. 14th, 2004|05:01 pm]
deadxsunset
[Oh, I feel.. |crushedcrushed]
[What's Rockin' Your Socks |Between You and Me- The Ataris]

i know i shouldn't..
but i do..
he makes want to kick him hard. really hard.
but at the same time, i just want to be in his arms..
and then he leaves.. again..
and all i can do is wait for the next time i see him..
i could call him..
but no.
no one really likes him..
no one understands why i still like him.. i don't understand..
i want him.. and at the same time.. i don't even know..
it's hard when i'm with him.. he tells my friends they're hot..
it makes me feel so small..
and it pisses me off how he doesn't care..
one second he's nice to me..
and then the next he's mean..
i love his laugh..
his smile..
the way he tosses his head to get hair out of his eyes..
his walk..
his cockyness..
his ability to make me happy if even for an instant..
everything about him.. not just the good..
it's hard to feel this way about somebody that your friends absolutely hate..
and it's hard to feel this way about some one who has made you cry..
and some one you want to hate..
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i hope this works man.... [Aug. 8th, 2004|12:37 pm]
deadxsunset
[Oh, I feel.. |dorkydorky]
[What's Rockin' Your Socks |The Tide- The Spill Canvas]

I'm making this post Public...because i really want this to work.

awwww... i want some one to say this!!!Collapse )

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myspace slut [Aug. 4th, 2004|06:10 pm]
deadxsunset
[Oh, I feel.. |calmcalm]
[What's Rockin' Your Socks |The Unforgiven- Metallica]

i have now officially (thanks to nessa) become a myspace slut. soi doubt i'll be writing in here as often as i do in myspace. actually i take that back. oh well.
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dude?!?!?!?! [Aug. 1st, 2004|06:24 pm]
deadxsunset
[Oh, I feel.. |fullfull]
[What's Rockin' Your Socks |Dead Cliche- Street To Nowhere]

so i got back from nessa's house. i ended staying the entire weekend which is just gravy with me being as she's awesome and not my mom. we had sooooo much fun. we saved a dog yesterday. it was such a cute dog too. and i had soooo much fun at her house. ooh, and then last night we were trying to give her a mohawk (with out cutting her hair) and it would not stay at all. i had a great fucking weekend all thanks to nessa. thanks... peace out home frys... speaking of frys, stupid carls jr.!!!! fist of fury.... i just had the best chicken chow mein ever... yummy!!!
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so yeah the show last night right? [Jul. 31st, 2004|10:54 am]
deadxsunset
Read more...Collapse )

<3<3<3<3
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i can't hardly wait.... [Jul. 30th, 2004|10:04 am]
deadxsunset
[Oh, I feel.. |confusedconfused]
[What's Rockin' Your Socks |phantom planet]

Read more...Collapse )
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lost-ness [Jul. 27th, 2004|12:26 am]
deadxsunset
[Oh, I feel.. |numbnumb]
[What's Rockin' Your Socks |kiss- greatest hits- love gun]

Read more...Collapse )
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